Boris Johnson lies.
This isn’t a pejorative statement: it’s quite factual. Sacked twice for lying, reprimanded for failing to declare expenses, breaking the sanctity of marriage and now helming the most unashamedly corrupt British government in all of history. From the latest court ruling showing that Johnson, with Hancock at heel, knew that discharging patients into care homes without covid testing would be a mass slaughter to his insistence that “there were no parties”, it’s quite clear that Johnson is unabashedly lying every day to the British public. Johnson’s penchant for deceit will stain the seat of prime minister long after he has, at his own leisure I’m sure, hauled himself from the directors chair.
It’s become painfully clear to people like me that Johnson will not be impeached for his lies around partygate, or covid mismanagement or PPE or bending rules in a circle to protect scurrilous ministers like Owen Paterson: Johnson’s supporters are as aware as we are of his fetish for lying but as long as they see benefit from his tenure as prime minister they do not care, willing to create ridiculous fictions over Starmer’s already investigated work event or Angela Rayner’s supposed feminine wiles- at every juncture, missing the fine print: that Johnson is the leader of the country, elected in what passes in an FPTP system as a landslide and that his inability to follow the rules he installed, or his incapability of control around a woman’s legs is very much on him. If Boris Johnson is unable to discern birthday cake or has to duck out of parties to engage in a spot of nepotism, or if he could be distracted meeting foreign dignitaries because they show a hint of décolletage it is supremely because of his lack of decency and morals and the British public should not suffer for that.
But Johnson may not be brought down by these things- he has a cabinet of inane simpering fools yet to feel the sting of Johnson’s stupidity. At a glance we have caricatures of humanity like Nadine Dorries, a culture minister who doesn’t know how channel 5, channel 4 or the BBC are funded and is shocked that people learn from YouTube videos, who describes “downstreaming” on “the safest internet in the world”: when called out, Dorries of course explains as Johnson does that it’s not her fault- she has dyslexia which only accounts for her misspeaking words, not being utterly incapable of learning about funding models or indeed being polite when under interview by journalists seeking to elucidate the public on the prime minister’s misdeeds. Close by we have semi-sentient vileda Michael Fabricant who is at once hilarious and repellant, openly spreading lies about nurses and teachers breaking the rules a la Johnson- Fabricant regularly blocks users on Twitter for questioning whether his hair is real or simply placed over his cranium to hide the dent where his brain once sat before it was cruelly dissolved by hair spray.
His “deputy prime minister” Raab describes Brits as “amongst the most lazy and feckless” people which is befitting of his office as justice minister. Raab of course doesn’t fit this description- after all when Afghanistan fell he was bravely trying to reopen the sea at the incredibly expensive resort he was on. Raab has made so many gaffes it outweighs the pain of seeing him try to rein in his misogyny to watch him splutter his way through every interview, looking politely awed that he isn’t simply allowed to grimace as he laments the Labour government of 12 years past.
And of course his precious Pritster- forced to resign for hiding unauthorised meetings with foreign dignitaries, Patel celebrated her return to Downing Street by bullying staff so severely that when Johnson forgave this the investigator resigned- this resignation providing convenient cover for Johnson’s misappropriated flat refurbishment funds. The public, by the way, paid for the civil servant bullied out of a job by Patel.
Johnson is not the only problem now. On his ascent to power he spread a miasma of deception through British politics, fermenting what was already there and cramming British politics with yes men who would take a bullet for him, even if he was the one pulling the trigger.
But the biggest faux pas is yet to be addressed: Johnson is utterly untouched by the fuckery of brexit. Still the media backs the campaign they relentlessly endorsed under Johnson, the campaign that he jumped to as an easy ride to the highest office in the land. Johnson turned his hand to the leave campaign not because he was convinced that the U.K. would thrive and reclaim its status as a forefront world superpower but because he knew he would be able to consolidate his legacy as a powerful man, a man who GETS THINGS DONE- even if what gets done is the dismantling of British democracy.
Johnson could have promised anything in the leave campaign and the press would have either ignored his dubious statements or heaped praise on him for them, claiming he was the man to provide for us all- cheaper bills, cheaper food, cheaper mortgages, lower tax, better infrastructure… all promised, none delivered. His idolisers will of course immediately start listing the litany of “but what about”s, from war in Ukraine to coronavirus and more. There can be a grain of truth in these things but one wonders how many times a person can leap to Johnson’s defence before they become aware of the ever expanding list of reasons it’s never his fault and always the fault of other ministers, other members of parliament, the public, the remoaners, the foreigners, the LGBT+, the Labour party’s legs.
Johnson and, arguably, his, campaign promised us all this and more in the form of intangible words like “freedom” and “sovereignty”- so how does life look as a free, sovereign nation? Well, the tories effectively pared back our right to protest this week, along with demonising GRT folk and ensuring that those without identification cannot vote. It will be at the pleasure of local authorities as to whether free state ID will be provided to circumvent poor or disabled people from disenfranchisement. Johnson has also effectively given Michael Gove- another notorious liar- the control of the electoral commission.
So looking at our freedom which is arguably curtailed, our elections are less fair, our cost of living crisis, our mass dead from a pandemic which now silently roils on as we all pat ourselves on the back for getting through it, our NHS crumbling under the weight of patients and the lack of funding- one has to wonder exactly how bad things must get before the benefits of brexit are laid bare. If lying to our faces doesn’t work one can only hope that in due course, Johnson faces recompense in the form of the ever encroaching brexit disasters- after all, as Jacob Rees-Mogg (another parodic entity enshrined to the cabinet) said this week, allowing the next round of brexit checks to become active would be “an act of self harm”. The citizens of the U.K. are self harming as long as they- we- continue to allow Johnson to helm the country- and his cabinet of porn addled, cocaine fuelled sycophants will only continue to drive us down all as Johnson continues to tell us we’re levelling up.