The crispy crispy touch of burnout

By Daviemoo

I’ve shut down. I’ve been off social media for over a week now. I can’t even look at the news- every time I walk past the big screen outside my gym that plays sky news and I see the tories I feel panic in my chest. I’m not even being (purposefully) dramatic.
I don’t really know what’s under my skin, but it’s hardly a shock. Every time I’m on social media I see stories of governmental lies, migrant detestation, anti gay laws, hate crime rises, the government endorsing horrific ideas of dehumanisation. Today I saw clips of the effulgent pisspipe that is Boris Johnson waffling semantics at the privileges committee and- I am absolutely done at the moment.

I know I’ll get back to a healthy place mentally at some point, but it’s bigger even than my all consuming obsession with politics and the unfairness of it all.

You needn’t worry, I’m not scribing tear filled farewells or anything. I’m just feeling particularly fragile. It’s not just politics but politics is part of it.

I’m pretty honest about what’s going on with me so, here’s the other parts.

This weekend was mothers day, the third one without my mother. Monday was 3 years to the day since I watched her die. The horror of seeing that absolutely haunts me to this day and whilst I can get reprieves from it sometimes, at the moment it’s a constant movie playing in the back of my mind again.

I mean, I also have depression. I’ve done very well I think at safeguarding against it, managed to find coping mechanisms for when I sink. They’re not working. Right now I cannot pull myself out of the mental mire I’ve drifted under.

I don’t want to give up on activism- it feels like a part of who I am, like not flexing a limb I have. But right now I am absolutely shattered. My mental health always sucks because I’m me and my brain doesn’t do chemicals right. Added to that the images my brain is repeating then sprinkling liberally with “the government is super fashy” and you can understand why I am where I am, I’d hope.

I’m writing this to say please give me time and let me heal up. My head is all over’t shop as we northerners say. I will get back to it but for the moment I need to take my head entirely out of the game because it’s deep fried.

I don’t know why all the food references here, maybe I’m hungry.

Please keep fighting the good fight. I’ll be back.